A Different View Of Living One's Life

One of my neighbors, a wealthy retired gringo from the US, was talking to Jorge, his gardener. He asked Jorge what he did with his day, when not working for him.

The gardener said … "Well, I get up in the morning, take my boat out into the ocean and catch some fish for my breakfast. Then I go home and take a siesta. When I wake up I come and work for you. At the end of the day, I go into the village and play some music and drink beer with my friends. Finally, I go home and make love to my wife and take my sleep."

So my neighbor said: " Wait a minute, Jorge. If you give up your nap and spend that time in your boat, you can catch even more fish. Then if you get another boat you can catch twice the haul. And with the extra income that means you can get another couple of boats, and before long you will have a whole fleet. Then you can go to the US and incorporate. If you then do an IPO, you'll have enough money to retire and come back and live here a wealthy man, like me. So how would you then live out your retirement?"

The gardener thought for a moment and replied: "Well, , I would wake up and take my boat out into the ocean to fish, then take my siesta. Afterwards, since I no longer need to work for you, I would go into the village earlier and make music, drink some beer, then go home and make love to my wife and then take my sleep."

The neighbor said: "Wait a minute, Jorge, that's what you do now!"

Jorge smiled and replied: ""Si, senor. So why do I need more fish?"

Honduras Coup ...right next door?

A few of my readers have asked if I was OK, "what with the Honduras coup taking place right next door". First, a little history lesson. Honduras is a Central American country, not South American. And the governmental structure of that very poor country is vastly different than in peaceful Ecuador. Here, the people bang pots to show their displeasure with the government, not shoot guns or set off bombs!

Another big difference is the part played, historically, by the military establishment in Honduras AND the symbiotic relationship between the military hierarchy and the United States military, which has trained most of their senior officer corps and equipped the army - supposedly as a needed bulwark against the "communist" Sandinista-led country of Nicaragua right next door. Remember the Iran-Contra scandal of the Reagan administration?

Anyway, what's currently being reported in the Wall Street Journal and the New York Times is simply NOT a correct analysis of the situation. Rather than me trying to explain it, let me suggest that you go directly to original.antiwar.com/justin/2009/06/ and read the political/historical ruminations of one Justin Raimondo who will wrap this up for you in a hurry. Justin is always, despite his "antiwar" connections (or perhaps because of it) an excellent and articulate reporter of facts.

So, I'm fine, the poor beleaguered people of Honduras are not!

So-ooo, what's up there besides stars?

This, my dear friends and readers, is the night sky over Vilcabamba. Do you notice anything strange? How about the utter clarity of the atmosphere, the lack of smog or air pollutants, the brightness of the mega-gazillion stars blinking their collective light down upon us?

There are said to be UFOs flitting around in those skies, but I have not seen any. It's not that I don't believe they exist …. after all, I was actually living in Roswell New Mexico that fateful day in July of 1947, when the crashed UFO and recovery of its alien crew was first announced and then denied the very next morning, which retraction by the military none of us believed!

I happened to be attending the New Mexico Military Institute as a cadet, and since my parents were off dilly-dallying in Europe, I was stuck in summer school. So you had 750 fairly bright junior college-aged guys hearing first-hand from some of the folks who had been to the scene of the crash, then reading the retraction and all of us saying … "Oh sure. A weather balloon? And the little aliens they recovered were really over-sized gophers?"

A lot of those cadets who entered the military after graduation were members of the US Air Force and reportedly saw UFOs on their own, only to be told by their superior officers that they hadn't really seen what they saw. Well, these guys, and I, remembered that day in Roswell when the military also said that what had been seen had not occurred.

So, I will admit that on these crystal-clear nights my eyes stray upward to search the skies, hoping that I, too, will become one of the "kooks" who think they saw little green men whizzing around in their space ships. Hmm-mm. Now that I think of it, there's a doormat outside the entrance to the famed Madre Tierra Hotel here in Vilcabamba that boldly proclaims "Welcome, UFO Crews!"

"They" say it's the magical water in the Andes Mountains high above Vilcabamba that these alien spaceships like to use for power. Hey, why not. The Japanese are now producing the first water-power automobile, so why not a water-propulsion spaceship? Stay tuned!

Memories Are Made Of This ....

Ah-hhh, yet another end of an era. The announcment that GM would discontinue their Pontiac line brought a tear to my eye. My father and mother's first automobile, purchased two months after my birth, was a 1929 Pontiac Roadster. It had a marvelous rumble seat, which I can actually remember riding in at around the age of five, just before he sold it. Yellow in color and bright with chrome … what a car!

One just like it recently fetched $115,000 on the auction block. GM couldn't even give away A 2009 Pontiac today, there's such a glut of unsold this year's models stashed in vacant lots all over the country. Just thought it would be of interest to you automobile buffs and history freaks …. and a nice memory hit for me.

Deja Vu All Over Again.

A couple of posts ago, I mentioned and highly recommended Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged to you. Well, here's an update.

CNN just reported that the 2009 sales of Atlas Shrugged, Rand's most famous novel, have already topped sales for the entire 2008 year. I can only wonder if perhaps people all over the world watching this unseemly dance between the Wall Streeters, the political sleezeballs and the increasingly fed up public aren't scrambling to see what eventually becomes of the socialist/fascist scoundrels and libertarian heros in Rand's classic.

If you haven't yet read Atlas Shrugged - you should. Rand does a masterful job of painting a vivid picture of why the RIGHT kind of capitalism works, why regulation weights it down, and what happens when the regulators begin to outweigh the productive folks. And in today's environment, where you can't turn on the news without seeing some political schmuck who could pass for one of Rand's antiheroes, this type of perspective is invaluable. Hey, forewarned is forearmed.

Let's see now .... who is John Gault?

The Great Watering Down

On a planet where weird weather has become the norm, there hasn't been much reporting about Ecuador's recent unseasonably heavy rains …. which were reportedly the worst in the past 30 or 40 years. Some Ecuadorians say the worst in 100 years.

Here in Vilcabamba, it might rain about seven days a month during what's called the "rainy season", and that usually at night. However, during the season just past, we had torrential rains that often fell day after day and night after night, sometimes dumping as much as 5 to 10 inches of water on already heavily saturated ground.

The result was huge landslides, especially on the road between Loja and Vilcabamba. That road is the one and only means of accessing the large provincial city of Loja, where we do our major shopping. But Ecuadorians are innovative, and got around the mudslide issue by stationing taxis on either side of the mudslide to carry passengers who walked across the blocked areas, and were then "ferried" on by the other taxi.

The famed waters of Vilcabamba's rivers were at flood stage much of the time, taking out bridges and washing out roads. Here at the Hacienda, we almost lost a portion of the road, as the retaining earth embankment went tumbling down into the river below. Quick response and hard work by the Hacienda staff kept damage at a minimum.

The skies appear to be clear now, and we are experiencing unusually windy weather. The windy season doesn't usually begin until August, but no one around here is griping. At least we are getting dried out. My garden is no worse for the wear, and the extra "watering" seems to have done the plants no harm.

So our unusual local catastrophic weather went unnoticed by the rest of the world. However, I for one could do without a repeat next year.

My Visa Has Been Granted!

While my visa application (my third) was wandering slowly through the bureaucratic maze, our newly re-elected president ended up firing all of the cabinet ministers just prior to the election, then reappointing another slate that he felt would be more popular to the voters. Once having won the election he then promptly fired the old (new) bunch and appointed yet another group of ministers .... these, obviously, his cronies and those he needed to pay off politically. So just the usual vanilla brand of South American banana boat republic goings-on. However, each time a new minister is appointed, he or she tosses out the predecessor's regulations and substitutes their own. And that means the way in which the old application and required documentation was done is no longer acceptable by the new guy (or gal). Small wonder that it's been nine (9) months and counting .... but. finally, I received good news!.

My Ecuadorian attorney has just called to inform me that my application for a permanent residency visa has been approved. FINALLY!

Just in time, too. In another week and a half, my current twice-extended tourist visa will expire, and I would have had to leave the country for six months .... bag and baggage. Then start all over again.

I'll have no comment about the costs involved or the HUGE amount of bureaucratic red tape that had to be cut through. The long process is finally at an end. I can continue living here in this beautiful Andean Mountain valley, enjoying a life of tranquility and healthiness .... for the years remaining to me.

Just thought everyone would like to know. Had you been here, you could have shared a glass of "bubbly" with me on the great occasion.

Oh, and if you are wondering how I'm spending "those remaining years", then let me direct you to a web site that I have been developing. It is a health-oriented site, which you might find of interest. Just go to:

www.valleyoflongevity.com

You will probably be VERY glad you did, if you are at all interested in improving your health.

How This Financial Deflation Effects You!

For those of you who are still feeding your 401K "savings" accounts and "investing" in mutual funds, you are probably doing so because you feel there's no alternative. If not your 401k or money market funds, what?

Well, let's look at that for a moment. What if you had NOT invested in stocks for the past whole decade, from 1999 to 2009? In other words, just stayed out of the stock market. Interestingly, if you had just held on to the cash, earning no interest at all, you would be 26% better off. Had you put those 401K yearly infusions into gold, your holdings would have appreciated from US$285.00 to US$923.00. That's an increase of 220 percent! Here is the scorecard, as presented this week by "The Privateer", the much heralded financial newsletter.

They used $1000.00 as a constant:

* In Stocks: $10,000 on March 30, 1999 becomes $7400 on March 31, 2009
* In cash: $10,000 on March 30, 1999 remains $10,000 on March 31, 2009
* In gold: $10,000 on March 31, 1999 becomes $32,060 on March 31, 2009

Most of you who are dutifully keeping up with your contributions to a mutual fund or a 401K, which STILL allocates 80-90 percent to the stock market, will simply not believe these figures. It seems that most of my friends and familiars remain in denial.

Fortunately for me, during this past decade I was too old to continue contributing to a 401K. And thanks to "The Privateer's" early warnings, I got out of my mutual fund. I stayed in cash and bought a little gold. Take a peek above and tell me if I made the right decision.

So, if this is what happened in the past ten years, during a mostly booming market, what do think will happen to your 401K's and mutual fund accounts during this financial disaster we are currently facing …. and which is only going to get worse! Go on, look up at that scorecard again.

Shades Of The Past

In late 1957, just as I was moving from the place of my birth in the Mid-West to seek my fortune (or whatever life would have in store for me), a book titled "Atlas Shrugged" was published. Written by a Russian émigré, Ayn Rand, that novel was a seminal influence on my personal philosophy of life, and it still is.

I was not alone. According to an oft-quoted 1994 US Library of Congress poll, more people were influenced by "Atlas Shrugged" than any other book apart from the Bible. And even today, it sits at number 1 on Amazon.com's fiction list. On January 13th of this year, the book's ranking was at 33 overall, briefly besting President Barack Obama's popular tome "The Audacity of Hope". This, mind you, for a philosophical work in excess of 1200 pages!

With a grim prescience, Rand's novel eerily foretold of the statism-induced financial crises that is unfolding in the US economy today. Life, it seems, is imitating art. The book's chilling similarity to what is happening in Washington, DC, and on Wall Street today is making its sales leap once again.

The title "Atlas Shrugged" is, of course, an allusion to the mythical hero who carried the world on his shoulders. It portrays real-life Atlases— inventors, thinkers, scientists, entrepreneurs, laborers, artists, —shrugging off their burdens and going on strike.

Their "burdens" were the looters, moochers, office-holders and those consumers who expect their "needs" to be met through the efforts of the entrepreneurial producers, the Atlases. The statists and those who had their hands out are left to their own devices as one by one the strikers flee to a safe haven, a hidden libertarian valley called "Galt's Gulch," where they await the inevitable collapse of the collectivist cannibalism they have left behind. Small wonder Atlas is resonating so loudly in the era of Bailout Bolshevism at the hands of rapacious elected officials and the Wall Street cronies who own them!

If you have not yet read it, I urge you to do so. And if you did read it many years ago, as I did, then read it again. Then you, too, might feel compelled to join me here in Vilcabamba … my own "Gult's Gultch".

"Everyone wants to live at the expense of the state. They forget that the state wants to live at the expense of everyone else."- Frederic Bastiat

Ecuadorian Visa Blues

Unlike "some" countries I know, about the only time a gringo becomes involved with Ecuador's local government is when applying for a visa. But unlike other unmentionable countries (ahem) the folks one has to do government business with here in Ecuador are generally pleasant and reasonably efficient.

However, even the Ecuadorian bureaucrats are every bit as endeared to red tape as any other governmental employee. And therein lies my tale of woe. Let me explain, and provide some caution.

After several visits to Ecuador and making the right inquiries, I pretty much knew what documents would be required for a residential visa application. I had obtained my police report that stated I was a "solid citizen", my health report stating that I didn't have any communicable diseases and a Social Security Income Statement that proved I had sufficient funds (at least $1,500) coming in each month to sustain me ... even if the current financial disaster on Wall Street wiped out any other assets that I might have had.

I then presented this documentation (translated into Spanish in triplicate with each being duly notarized and stamped) to an attorney who was said to be an "expert" on immigration matters. That was in June, 2008. I returned to Ecuador in September, fully expecting to have had all my application papers approved and been awarded a Retiree Resident Visa.

But in the three months that I'd been away, the rules and regulations had changed, as had the Minister of Immigration. It was the first time that I heard the dreaded phrase …. "Senor, your papers are not in the proper order!" My application had been refused.

Now, a preliminary visa application had to be filed BEFORE the actual residential visa request could be made. And because I was a "retiree", I now had to find an Ecuadorian citizen who would take responsibility for me if I (or the US) went broke or I got sick. Hm-mmm, would YOU want to assume that kind of responsibility for someone who was not even a relative? Didn't think so. Miraculously, I found someone, but that's another story.

So more forms were prepared, in triplicate and duly notarized. When I checked with the attorney to see how things were progressing, I then discovered that he had not even filed the second set of papers. Why? He had decided that he wanted more money from me, but couldn't find my email or telephone number to tell me so. Oh, almost forgot; that attorney couldn't speak a word of English, nor could I as yet speak much Spanish. Guaranteed miscommunication. I fired that attorney and hired another, this one able to read, write and speak English. BIG difference.

The new lawyer spent three weeks trying to get the application papers away from the first attorney …. who was demanding more money to release them to me. A very big, very insistent Ecuadorian friend "persuaded" that attorney that the right thing to do would be to give back the papers. He did.

(Joke: What do you call a million lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start!)

Then, finally, the papers were filed. However, my visa application was refused. "Sorry, Senor, your papers are not properly in order."

It was now January, 2009, and of course by that time all of the dates of the original documents had expired! This meant that I would have to fly back to Hawaii for a new police report and health certificate, over to San Francisco, California to obtain a new Social Security Statement, have it certified by the Ecaudorian Consulate in Los Angeles, then fly back to Quito to submit it to the immigration people. And there wasn't enough time …. my 90 day extension on my tourist visa as due to expire in only four days! Time for Plan B.

So my new attorney and I made a fifteen hour dash from Ecuador into Peru, where we had to talk the Consulate there into giving me yet another visa extension. It so happens that the very day before our arrival the regulations had once again been changed. So instead of being able to secure a six-month visa, it was only for ninety days. But at least I was able to reenter Ecuador with newly stamped papers. The clock was again ticking.

It was now time for Plan C. My only chance now was to qualify as an "Investor", which meant depositing a big wad of money ($25,000 minimum in case you're wondering) into a local Ecuadorian bank for the entire time I was living in the country (NOT a very good idea in this shaky global financial era) …. or, purchasing property.

So, dear reader, I'm about to "invest" in Ecuador. There's a small, beautiful, view lot for sale just behind where I'm presently living at the Hacienda San Joaquin. That just might be a far better place to put my US dollars into, as they quickly depreciate in value, than a bank. I begin the "bargaining" process tomorrow. Will keep everyone informed whether or not this works. There is NO Plan D.

Beware changing regulations and pleasant yet firm bureaucrats. Or you, too, will hear the dreaded words …. "Sorry, Senor, your papers are not in order!"

Stay tuned!

We Are In The Rainy Season Now

Here We Go .... Again!

I was born into this world at the beginning of the Great Depression of 1929. As a child I grew up knowing only one President, Franklin D. Roosevelt. And now in 2009, some 80 years later, I am again facing what many are saying will be "The Greatest Depression", and I have lived through twelve Presidents with the thirteenth about to take office. Everything has changed, and yet nothing has changed!

By the time that first market crash had bottomed out in 1932, stocks had lost nearly 90% of their value. However, by a combination of good judgment and good luck, my family had exited the market just two months before my birth … their "wealth" intact. The writing was "on the wall" for anyone to see …. few bothered to even look.

Now, fast-forward eighty years to yet another bubble and another depression. Armed as I was with a clear memory of the terrible economic toll taken by the Great Depression, the financial storm clouds I saw gathering on the horizon back in 2004 were sufficient warning for me to follow in the footsteps of my parents, It was time to "get out of Dodge!" And so here I am, in Ecuador - safe and sound.

This time the "writing on the wall" was instead the analysis of a few financial newsletter writers on the Internet. The predictions were, however, exactly the same …. the bubbles were bursting, the stock market was about to crash. I did as my family before me had done, cashed-out and found myself a safe haven to ride out the financial storm .... or at least I found a place where I could have fun dancing in the rain.

Now, according to my friends back in the US, everyone is stressed to the max and worried about what the future holds for them. Not me!

It's not because I don't care or that I'm not concerned about my friends and former neighbors who are indeed suffering. It is because I'm totally immersed in a new culture and lifestyle, one not dominated by CNN, financial markets or terrorism. Folks around here watch TV, when they even have one, for sports and soap operas, not for the latest Dow report or the ubiquitous Homeland Security alerts. I myself do not even have a television set or take a daily newspaper. Instead, I get a cross-section of opinion on the Internet and enjoy important, thought-provoking books on my Kindle Reader.

From my vantage point here in Ecuador, I'm simply an interested spectator. I'm no longer directly involved in the political, social or financial pressures and tensions. Here in the peace and tranquility of Hacienda San Joaquin, I'm part of a society that truly takes things easy. It's sometimes called the "mañana" syndrome. The one phrase I keep hearing from my local neighbors is "no problemas". Just think about that for a second: No problems!

Please don't get me wrong …. I am NOT a bystander when it comes to life itself, only life's anxieties. In fact, in my retirement I now have the time (and means) to enjoy a rich, active lifestyle to the fullest --- like lingering over morning coffee, long walks along the river bordering my house, traveling throughout South America and writing for my enjoyment.

And here's something important: It's not too late for you to "get out of Dodge", too; especially if you are not encumbered with family, not up to your ears in debt and able to retire comfortably on not all that much. I find that with only my Social Security (without needing to dip into savings) I can live here like a King. There is no doubt at all that it's all going to get a LOT worse before it gets any better. Don't dilly-dally, hoping things might get better. It's important for you and your loved ones to face reality and make the proper life choices right now. As the famous Nike ad says: JUST DO IT!

I Had To Eat My Words

Sometimes we have to "eat our words", and even find them to be quite appetizing. By that I mean that we say something that we later find not to be as true as we had first thought. A case in point is the place where I am presently living here in Ecuador.

I remember saying in a previous post that I had visited an exclusive, high-end gated community called Hacienda San Joaquin, which --- while I thought it was quite beautifully developed and had all of the emenities one could ask for --- was simply not someplace that I would EVER chose to live in. I based that opinion on the fact that it was mostly a "wealthy gringo-filled" development set apart from the local community. And, of course, I felt that this was not my cupp'a tea.

However, so that you can better understand what I meant by "high-end", let me share with you some of the descriptive prose in the Hacienda's internet advertisement:

Hacienda San Joaquin

The private entrance to Hacienda San Joaquin is located about two miles from the village of Vilcabamba, where the road ends in the small  and friendly community of Chaupi. Gated and deed-restricted, the Hacienda is at the end of the road and has no thru-traffic.

The ranch is bordered and protected on three sides by the Andes Mountains and on the fourth by the Vilcabamba River. The elevation of the property rises from the valley floor at 4,839 feet to the mountain top at 6,512 feet. Most home sites are at around 5,000 feet.

Every measure has been taken to retain the serenity and peacefulness that is the essence of Hacienda San Joaquin. The riverfront and hillside homes are located on less than half of the 700 acre property. The majority of the ranch remains as a private reserve for the exclusive use of the residents and their guests. All infrastructure is in place, all roads are well-lit and asphalt paved. 

The River Park and the Equestrian and Hiking Center are also available to the residents and guests. At the heart of the property is the world-class Equestrian center. It features a separate covered entrance-way for both vehicles and pedestrians. There are two stables (forty stalls), an organic ranch store and an outdoor cafe with wonderful views of the Andes Mountains.

The home sites are lush with vegetation, birds , butterflies and honey bees. The residents of the Hacienda will be able to keep horses at home or board them in the stables. They will also be able to farm organically in the fertile soil. Thanks to the very favorable climate, residents are able to grow just about anything, including papaya, mango, guava, avocado, cherimoya, bananas, coffee, oranges, grapefruit, tangerines, lemons, limes, berries and all kinds of vegetables and flowers. 

-------------------------------(snip) ------------------------

So-oooo, how in the world could I say that this place was simply "not my cupp'a tea"?  Why wouldn't anyone not love to live in this idylic spot?

My initial fantasy was that, like when I lived in Hawaii, I would become a part of the local indigenous community; learn their language, understand their ways, become part of their culture. The problem with this was that THEIR ways were not quite as easy to accommodate as I had thought they would be. To be perfectly frank, theirs was a VERY poor lifestyle, while my own .... even as simple as I was trying to live it ... was light years distant from the way they lived. The fact is, I was considered a "rich gringo", who didn't speak their language, living at an exclusive Hotel/Spa, and NOT at all an integral part of the local community.

Then, out of the blue, I discovered that there was a beautiful house for rent at the Hacienda San Joaquin property .... the very place where I was certain that I didn't want to live!



Let me pause for a moment here and set the stage a little better. I had been living for the past two months at a magical little hotel and spa, the Madre Tierra Hosteria. What with the daily room rate, my three meals a day, laundry, internet connection and the like, I was spending about $1,100 a month.  Not bad at all, when compared with what a similar situation would cost back in Hawaii. But then came the house at the Hacienda ... and what a change!

The monthly rent for my house at San Joaquin was $350 (including a new washer/dryer, which meant no more laundry charges), utilities (gas, water, electric) $50.00 and internet $35.00. My total food purchases for the month ran $125/00. So now we're up to a whole $560.00 ... against $1,100 at the hotel. 

With THAT kind of savings, I hired a full-time, six-day-a-week cook and housekeeper for $200 a month. Total for everything in my new home at the Hacienda, $760 or so. And that, my friends, is far less than I was paying for just my rent and utilities in Hawaii. Fact is, my last electric bill in Hana was for $385 for one month's electricity!  Now you are beginning to see why I moved to ecuador for my "retirement" years.

So here I am, living in one of the most beautiful and exclusive developments in all of Ecuador, with a whole house to myself (instead of a hotel room) a wonderful local lady to cook my meals and keep me and my house tidy, organically grown food delivered to my door almost daily, high-speed internet to keep me somewhat connected to the outside world, peaceful and quiet surroundings, etc. etc.,  ALL for almost half of what i was paying for my Madre Tierra accommodations .... and less than a THIRD of what it was costing me to live in Hana.


The view from my front door ... big lawn, white picket fence, the works
And my neighbors are not just a bunch of "wealthy, stuck-up  gringos" after all. They are folks from the US, Europe, Asia AND Ecuador of all ages who have turned out to be VERY like-minded (intellectually, spiritually and even politically!) Perhaps when I finally learn the language (which my cook/housekeeper, Marcia, is helping me with) I might be tempted to move back to Vilcabamba village ---- but I somehow doubt it.

To learn more about the magical Valley of Longevity and Vilcabamba, CLICK HERE

An Excellent Video of Ecuador

How To Fly The Friendly Skies

Everything was finally packed away in my shipping crate, except for the two suitcases and a backpack with my computer that I intended to carry-on. And now, finally, I was ready for the twenty-two hour flight(s) from Maui back to Ecuador.

OK, here's where I share the "Ultimate Travel Secret" with you. And there is only one prop needed ….. a cane. So here's how it goes.

Just before embarking on a previous flight to South America, I had stumbled down a flight of stairs (well, only two steps to be exact) and severely bruised my heel. I'd been given a cane by the local health clinic to ease the pain of walking and was using it as I approached the airline ticket counter to check in. As the agent was peering down into her computer monitor, trying to find my reservation, she suddenly glanced down at my cane, then up at me.

"Would you like assistance", she asked. Now I remembered that every time I flew, an announcement would be made just prior to boarding …. "We are now boarding our First Class passengers and those needing assistance.". So I said yes, thank you, I'll have some of that. I hate to wait in line.

The next thing I knew an elderly man, even older than me, came shuffling up to me with a wheelchair. "Hey", I said, "I don't need a wheelchair, just a little assistance." With a weary sigh, the old fellow told me to just sit down and enjoy the ride ….. especially through TSA Security, he added with a twinkle in his eye.

So off we went to the security checkpoint, where what looked like thousands of harried travelers stood waiting to be checked through. However, just as we reached that line, the airline porter made a sharp right turn, ducked under a security rope, and wheeled me into a special area to be checked and scanned in what seemed to be less than ten seconds. There was no one else there at that check-point, just little old me in my wheelie and two TSA people, one on the X-ray machine, the other to make the required security search.

I offered to get out of the wheelchair to be patted down, but the TSA guy said no, he could "wand" me right where I sat. The fact that I might be sitting on a bomb didn't seem to occur to him. And for once, the X-ray person did not even pause upon seeing my sleep apnea respirator (which does look like a VERY suspicious thing to be carefully checked. I was simply hurried through.

At first, I couldn't figure out why the TSA people didn't want to give me the usual pat-down, etc. Then it dawned on me: no one likes to touch sick people. And if I was in a wheelchair, I must be "ill". Hm-mmmm!

Next thing I knew we were at the gate, checked in, and taken directly to the door of the aircraft where I got out of the wheelchair and "limped" aboard …. even before the First Class folks. They had even given me the front bulkhead seat with plenty of extra legroom, the one usually reserved for the lame, the halt and "those needing assistance".

OK, to make a longer story shorter let me simply say that at each terminal I was met at the aircraft door with someone with yet another wheelchair and shuffled off to the next gate for boarding. Now here is where it get really good. When I finally landed at the Quito airport and was wheeled to the baggage area where I was met by my hotel driver …. a miracle occurred!

I got out of the chair, stood up, folded up my cane, took a tentative step forward and then walked quite briskly over to fetch my luggage. I was seemingly miraculously healed! Hallelujah , hallelujah.

The poor Ecuadorian porter who had pushed me through what seemed like miles and miles of corridors could not believe his eyes. He crossed himself and muttered a couple of "por Dios", then pushed the empty wheelchair off to be used by someone else who really needed his services.

To be perfectly honest, EVERYTIME I fly, that's what I ask for, a little bit of assistance. And if you want to avoid the indignities of TSA body pat-downs and the miles of airport corridor traipses, then I would suggest that you do likewise. Metal, fold-up canes are cheap!